An Open Letter to ‘The One That Got Away’


Every once in a while, I still wonder.

What if I had said ‘yes’ when you offered to treat me to lunch? Paano kung nung sinabi mong crush mo ‘yung naka-pink na jacket, narealize ko na na… ako lang pala ‘yung nakapink na jacket sa class na ‘yun? Paano kung nabasa ko ‘yung signs ng tama?

Yeah, I was so insensitive back then.

We were young, though. You’re this awesome person and I was this girl who didn’t know how relationships worked. Having a boyfriend wasn’t exactly my priority when we were in sophomore college.

Pero, if it still makes sense, I waited for you to ask again.

*faint*

I waited for the chance to say yes.

I wasn’t afraid to say yes; I just didn’t know when to say yes. Maybe, if you had asked again, I could have said yes to lunch.

I could have said yes to you.

*sigh*

It’s been years, I know. We’ve graduated from college and we’re so far away from the time na… isang tao lang ‘yung pagitan ng upuan natin. Ha. Hindi mo lang alam ‘yung saya ko sa tuwing alphabetical ‘yung arrangement ng upuan.

Sa dinami-dami ng beses sa buhay ko na inayawan ko ‘yung apelyido ko, naging thankful ako doon nung time na halos magkatabi na tayo. ‘Yung nakakapagusap tayo ng kaswalan. ‘Yung humihingi ka sa akin ng papel at nanghihiram ka ng ballpen – ang saya lang.
Kaso ‘yun nga. Nakapagusap tayo ng kaswalan, nakapagusap tayo ng maayos. Nakapagusap tayo na parang… wala lang.
If you only knew.
The facade I put up everytime we were around each other never justified the confusion I felt deep inside.
Bakit hindi ka nagtanong ulit? Bakit hindi mo ulit ako niyayang kumain ng lunch? Kahit dinner pa ‘yan o midnight snack, sasama ako. Pero wala talaga, eh. Kung kelan naman handa na akong sumabay sa’yo for lunch, wala na. Hindi ka na nakapaghintay.
Hindi ko makakalimutan ‘yung birthday ko last year. Nagparinig ka sa akin pagkatapos niyo akong kantahan. Sabi mo, hindi kita pinansin dati. Natawa nga ako nun kasi, ang ganda ko ‘di ba. Ako pa ‘yung hindi namansin. Pero hindi mo narinig ‘yung sinagot ko. Sabi ko… hindi mo ‘ko hinintay.
Hindi naman ako bitter. I swear.
Just like you, I found someone. Naging masaya naman ako sa kanya at alam kong naging masaya din siya sa piling ko. (I laughed at the word ‘piling’, though.)
But still, there are those times you’re reminded of the one that got away. Funny, everytime I watch Happy Yippee Yehey, I remember you. Isa sa hosts ng palabas na ‘yun ay ‘yung idol mo… na palagi mong sinasabing kamukha mo.
I have moved on and although Adele’s song ‘Someone Like You’ reminds me of you, okay naman na ako. I have been okay for the past three years pero syempre, hindi naman pwedeng hindi mo malaman.
Naalala ko nga, nung napanuod ko ‘yung sumayaw kayo sa Auditorium tapos partner kayo nung girlfriend mo, tinanong ko sa kaibigan ko, ‘Kung kasing galing niya kaya ako sumayaw, magiging kami kaya?‘ Nakakatawa. Pero I have nothing against her. You two are meant to be together at hindi ko ‘to sinasabi para hindi ako makasira ng relasyon.
They say in life, you’ll meet a lot of people. There’s the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you’re with and then, there’s the one that got away.
I guess, the one that got away is the person who clicked the most but the timing was just all wrong. There wasn’t anything wrong with the person or the situation but it simply wasn’t the right time.
You simply wasn’t ready to commit.
Then, one day, you’ll meet someone you’ll be ready to take the chance with; someone who will make you feel like you’re ready for it. You’ll be happy.

The thing about relationships, it’s about two people being ready to commit to each other.
Maybe, I was just not ready. Maybe, it wasn’t meant to be. Maybe, it wasn’t our time. You found someone, I did, too. I don’t regret that and I never wished things were any different.
You might be wondering why I wrote you a “letter”. I’m wondering, too.
Ha. I just want to put it out there because unlike the many things I kept deep inside, I don’t want our history to be one of them. You’re the my ‘one that got away’ and just so you know, I learned a lot from that.
It’s just that sometimes, when you’re too happy and too confident about yourself, you can’t help but ask, ‘Paano kung ganito na ako dati?’ ‘Paano kung wala akong insecurities?’
 
Every once in a while, the one that got away will cross your mind and again questions like that will pop. Kung ganito na ako dati, tatanungin mo kaya ako ulit for lunch?
Hihintayin mo kaya ako?
It’s never nice to live with a ‘could have been’ but it happens. All the time.
SInulat ko lang ‘to kasi nga writer ako. Dancer ka. Ako lang naman si Lora from Frisco. Ikaw si… you know who you are. Gusto ko lang sabihin ‘yung mga bagay na matagal ko nang gustong sabihin kasi nga ‘di ba, the truth will set you free.
To all those who are reading this, you can do two things: a) Accept the fact that the one that got away, got away.
And b) Talk to them, reach out and make a way to make them the one that almost got away. If you’re lucky, maybe it’s not too late. But if it is, you may choose A.
As for me, I’m choosing A.
I have chosen that option a long time ago.
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