I don’t know if you even remember it.
It was a normal Friday, an ordinary workday, a non-special time. You were wearing that slightly oversized blue shirt and a pair of faded blue jeans. You walked past me, smiling like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
You were smiling at one of your colleagues as if your life depended on it.
You were smiling like you were flying.
I was definitely falling.
On a normal day, at an ordinary place, in the most simple moment, I felt something special.
For the longest time.
My whole being had been capsuled; by pain, heartaches and continuous marring of memories. It continued to pound on me as time passed by. It continued like a cycle that never stops until I grew tired.
Until I gave up.
Until I became incapable of feeling it.
Until I became incapable of feeling anything.
It was okay to be okay. Being unhappy was so much worth being unhurt. I was okay; just okay and it sucked because everybody just wants to feel something.
But I chose not to feel anything because it’s the only way to keep myself from pain.
It was a selfish to decision, not to accept any form of love or happiness that came my way in the past year of shielding myself.
Nobody wants to get hurt over and over for the same fault line and so I chose to feel nothing, at all.
But that Friday, it changed.
It’s like a switch had been snapped and I just knew.
I just knew that the funny feeling in my stomach isn’t a product of my imagination.
On that simple day, when you wore that smile, you started putting me back together.
Everyday, from that Friday on, I looked forward to seeing your smile or hearing your laugh because it’s the only thing that kept me together, my sanity included.
It’s like oasis on a desert or rain on summer.
You gradually tore the walls that I have surrounded myself until I was able to smile again. The thought of you makes me smile so genuinely.
You make my heart do somersaults.
You make my knees weak.
You make me nervous.
And I know that this is the farthest I can go when it comes to telling you about how you have helped me but I thank God for you and your stupid oversized blue shirt and your smile.
I’ll always remember you, my dear stranger.
I’ll aways remember how you smile, how you walk, how you throw your head back when you laugh, or how you clap your hands when you’re overjoyed.
I hope it doesn’t creep you out but I’ll always remember the details of you because I know, these details are all I can have.
If I only could, I’ll tell you how much your smile lifted my days.
If I only could, I’ll tell you how broken I was before you happened.
If I only could, I’ll tell you how much you have mended me.
But I can’t.
I just can’t.
Yes, you have put me back together and that gives me a dose of courage but I still know how to choose my battles.
Still, I’ll post this. If ever you come across this, I hope you’ll know that I’m talking about you.
I hope this makes you smile.
I hope this makes you happy because that’s what you do to me.
You make me happy.
You made me happy.