Gone in Wanderland

 “If I had a world of my own… nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn’t be, and what it wouldn’t be, it would.”

– Alice in Wonderland

Growing up not liking the most popular Disney movies wasn’t weird; what’s weird is liking the darkness of Alice in Wonderland – and even weirder that some days, I feel so much like Alice. I feel that the world doesn’t make sense.

Thus, I named my alter-ego Alice. I fancy the name but really, my Alice is that Alice in Wonderland. Some days, I am Alice only, I am in Wanderland.

“My name’s not Alice but I know how she felt when her world started turning into something else.”

I think I have always been a thinker. I always want to make sense of everything that’s happening around me. I always want to know the reason behind events and people’s actions. I always want to know the meanings behind signs and the answers to all the why’s. Given those, I guess no one will be surprised if I say that I hate not knowing. Ignorance is never bliss for me, no matter how cliche and incredibly incredulous that sounds.

When I was younger, I always asked the why’s; but I think, compared to other kids, I have spent a lot of time asking questions and getting answers because I just wouldn’t stop making sense of everything I didn’t understand. Maybe, it’s the reason why some people I know think I am smart or intelligent; but really, I just ask and seek answers. It’s always been my thing.

Growing up, I expected the world to make more sense to me. I expected the world to give me answers but really, the more I grew older, the more it got all messed up. I have always wondered how it felt falling down the rabbit hole and seeing an entirely different world – one that’s so different from what you’ve been used to. But then, as I grew older, I realized that the world and life I am in right now is already that rabbit hole.

This world,this life – is my rabbit hole: the one place that’s so interesting yet really, really complex.

That’s why I understood Alice even more. Like Alice, I couldn’t seem to get in terms with the world around me.

Don’t get me wrong. I have always loved this world, my life. But I want to understand it more. I want to wake up in the morning without asking question; I love that thrill, though – it makes this world a pretty damned exciting place.

Right after graduating off of college, I went into some sort of a slumber; a half slumber that is.

I worked for a company I never ever thought of working for. I did things, everyday for 11 months, that I didn’t even like. For a time, I thought I was lost. I thought I was losing everything I had held onto for 21 years. There was a time that the only things I had were negativity and sarcasm.

When I resigned, Alice made even more sense to me because finally, I have risen up from a deep slumber; and I realized:

There are many things we can learn from the places that don’t suit us, from the things that seem to make us uncomfortable and confused.

While contemplating, I did something I never tried doing while I was working for that company – I asked questions. I tried to make sense of my personal decisions. I asked myself why I ended up there.

Then, I realized, I’m wandering (thus, the Wanderland). Unlike some people I know, I don’t know where I want to go. I have an idea but I don’t have a certain path in my mind. So, I am wandering just in case, in a lucky circumstance, I land on a place I’d learn to love or be contented for.

I think, the greatest lesson that Alice in Wonderland taught me: Know where you’re going.

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”

“That depends a good deal on where you want to go,” said the Cat.

“I don’t much care where–” said Alice.

“Then it doesn’t much matter which way you go,” said the Cat.

“–so long as I get somewhere,” Alice added as an explanation.

“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”

I have learned from the Cat that if you don’t know exactly where you want to go, you could end up just about anywhere. I believe that it’s not a bad thing but if you, the person who’s reading this, know the direction you want to pursue, I say start going that way instead of constantly trying to just get anywhere.

Getting somewhere is a personal choice. Sure, people around you can influence your actions but the only person that can point you to the right direction is you. If you think you’re on the right path, stay on that path and keep moving.

If you’re one of the people that feels as if you’re in the wrong place, at the wrong time – stop doing the things that keep you in the same place. You cannot change your life if you keep doing the same things.

“It takes all the running you can do,

to keep in the same place.”

The Red Queen

Often times, the Queen is right – it feels easier to keep doing what you’ve been doing because it’s comfortable. But for one minute, think, how much energy do you spend trying to survive in a horrible place? How hard would it be if you use that energy in pursuing the things that you want? It seems hard to change, but, really, it’s harder to stay the same because you know, that wherever you are right now is not what you want. It’s hard to stay that way because it’s not what you want. And if it’s not what you want, then what’s keeping you there?

The Queen taught me one thing that I think is for everyone to learn from: never, ever settle for less than what you deserve in life.

And I guess, it’s was never the most obvious message but Alice in Wonderland taught me to believe in the impossible.

“There’s no use in trying,” Alice said, “one can’t believe impossible things.”

“I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen.

“When I was your age, I always it it for half an hour a day.

Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”

Admit it, like Alice, there is something in your life that you want but refuse to pursue because you know it is impossible.

It is tough, really, to do rather that just think about it. I understand how it is to have a so-called hopeless dream. But for a moment, ask yourself, have you done anything to make that hopeless dream come true?

I want to be writer. I want to have my books published. I want to hear someone say that my words have changed their lives.

But I as I speak of this, I admit, I have never really done anything to make this come true; because I have been wandering.

I have written a novel that I haven’t shared to anyone. Although my sports articles have been published and my blog is on the web somewhere, it’s hardly ever gonna put my words into the different bookshelves of the world.

I often sit back and think that I am not good enough. I often think that it is okay  to have a few people reading my published works and really, it’s okay. But okay is not gonna get me anywhere.

If you are like me, I say, you have to believe. You have to believe that no matter what your dreams are, you can make it happen. It doesn’t come easy but faith in thy self is necessary.

Not all people are like Alice – and me – but I guess the things she has learned in Wonderland are for everyone.

“Tut, tut, child! Everything’s got a moral, if only you can find it.”
The Duchess 



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