For the First Time

“When was the last time you did something for the first time?” she asks you. By the tone she used, you can tell that she’s planning something in her head.

You only shrug because you really have stopped trying new things a long time ago.

She scrunches her nose and looks at you as if expecting you to say you’re only joking when you shrugged. You only shrug again and that’s where she realizes you were serious.

“God, you’re so uptight,” she says, rolling her eyes and you only realized how often she really does that. She does it all the time. It’s starting to grow on you. It’s kind of endearing.

You try hard not to smile. It’s always the little things that count.

“Come with me,” she says and you scrutinize her expression. You were right, damn. Something’s going on inside her head.

“Where?”

She only shrugs and you hate it because she knows damn well how to use your actions against you.

She takes you to the bus station 8 o’clock in the morning the next day. She’s skipping toward the ticket booth when you grab her hand and ask, “Where are we going?”

“Somewhere you’ve never been before,” she says. That frankly didn’t help at all; there are so many places you’ve never been to.

“You have work,” you tell her.

She only smiles, “I still have work tomorrow and the day after that. We only have today.”

You have no idea why your heart skipped a beat at that. We only have today. You know very well she means something else with that. You shrug it off and just watch her talk to the ticket booth person with all her perky glory. You love it when you see her happy.

You also have work today but you decided to skip it. She’s right, you only have today.

.

.

She takes the window seat and you sit beside her just watching her fight the temptation to close her eyes and take a nap. She’s always been a sleeper. You guess it’s her motion sickness but really, it’s you. She’s comfortable around you and trusts you enough to fall asleep on. You probably have no idea but it’s really you and how she’s at ease when she’s with you.

She looks at you and smiles and you wonder if it’s just her being silly but you probably have no idea that she’s happy because you’re with her on this bus ride to a place you’re not familiar with; and you’re holding her hand. You probably have no idea how comforting that is for her but it is—your hand in hers is one of her favorite feelings in the world.

You stay silent for the whole ride, she does, too. She falls asleep eventually and you plan on teasing her about that later. She puts her head on your shoulder and you sigh contentedly. You can do this all day. Hell, you can do this all your life.

But you have no idea she’s thinking of the same thing; she can do this all her life.

She wakes up a few minutes from the bus stop and asks, “Were you able to think properly?”

You nod because, well yeah, the silence helped. There’s a lot going on with the other side of your life and you honestly needed time to think about it.

She smiles and says, “Good. You know I was trying so hard not to talk.” She then laughs and you laugh as well. Her not talking—you know how much of a struggle that is.

She takes you to… well, a place you’ve never been before. It’s the nearest beach side out of the city and she’s been there couple of times before. You eat lunch on your favorite restaurant and she tells you she wants to visit all the branches of that restaurant nationwide. You look at her with an amused expression; you know very well she’s serious about that.

You think it’s just her being her spontaneous, adventurous self but really, you have no idea it’s her telling you, “I want to go to places with you.”

The place is simple—a series of restaurants by the shore, with a couple of people passing by. She tells you the place comes alive at night but she loves spending afternoons there because it’s peaceful and nice. It’s simple—it’s her.

You order for a couple bottles of beer and that’s a record because you never drank on afternoons. She only laughs because she’s drank on mornings and noons, and afternoons, and nights. You know about that phase in her life—you’re just glad it’s over now.

She stays silent again, just listening to the faint sound of alternative rock music playing in the background. You stare out into the ocean, embracing how peaceful and quiet it is.

And for once in your life, you’re living in the moment—away from everything else, just sitting beside the girl you just realized how much you love. It’s probably the beach or the ocean breeze but you feel calm all of a sudden, like everything’s gonna be fine.

You have no idea she’s looking at you, hoping that what she did helps. She wants you to get back to the person you really are because it scares her that you haven’t been yourself lately. She wants to put an end to it. This is the only way she knows, she hopes it’s enough. She hopes she’s enough.

It’s time to go home. She takes your hand and you walk the rest of the way. She laughs out of nowhere and you ask her why. She says, “This is so cliché.”

You smile because the sun is setting and you’re holding her hand, as you walk by the beach.

She’s living on her fairy tale. You’re watching a fairy tale unfold in front of you and you laugh because yeah, you never thought it was possible.

.

.

“When was the last time you did something for the first time?” she asks you again.

“Today,” you answer.

She nods, convinced. It’s the first time someone took you to an unplanned road trip out of the city. It’s the first time you drank in the afternoon. It’s the first you realized you’re in love with someone so… unscripted, unpredictable; with someone who offers you the world in a brand new perspective.

You think it’s the road trip but you have no idea that to her, it’s about you stepping out for a while to clear your head. You never had the courage to do that and she knows it. You think it’s just about going away for a day but you have no idea that to her, it’s about you getting back to the best version of yourself—that version she fell in love with—because that person is amazing.

You’re amazing—that’s what she wants you to believe… for the first time.

___

The Revelator (Angels & Airwaves)

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