Recovery is tricky.
The thing about going through a tough time, it changes who you are. Hard times bring out both the best and worst of us—it doesn’t matter which comes first, but it’s not either, it’s always both.
After we’re done shifting gears to get past a hard road, the shifting doesn’t stop. Sometimes, the aftermath is worse.
We always end up exhausted that after a long, hard battle, all we want to do is rest and sleep and wake-up once the battle wounds have stopped hurting—but we can’t. Even after we have won the battle for survival, survival is always an ellipsis and not a period. Most of the time, pushing yourself out of your exhaustion is the tougher task.
I guess recovery is part of the struggle.
The hardest part of recovery is waking up one day realizing that the world has moved on without you in it. And though it’s a general knowledge that the world does not revolve around anyone of us, it still sucks to feel like the world didn’t care much about you; that the world didn’t wait for you to be okay enough to keep up.
We realize how much time we’ve lost and how we could have used this time to bond with our family and friends but we couldn’t because it’s a tough time—and tough times can only handle one issue at a time. So, we stand there, in the middle of everything we used to call our life and watch it as it simply slaps us with the reality that it isn’t our life anymore because our life has changed.
Suddenly, our life has become an aftermath of our life-altering struggle that for some reason required us to put our life on hold—and the thing about putting your life on hold? You never really get to start over from where you’ve left it because even if your life stops for a moment, the world doesn’t stop spinning.
Believe me when I say I know how it feels to watch everyone around you and realize that they all learned to live their lives without you in it.
Suddenly, you find yourself trying to pick up the left-over pieces and try to make a living of what you have. Sometimes, it’s enough but most of the time, we all just wish that life would be easier.
It’s true what they say, sometimes we just have to be thankful that we made it out alive. But the words: time heals all wounds, isn’t as comforting as some people try to make it sound. Nor does “it’ll get better in time” make a difference.
For some people, recovery is just the acceptance of the truth that nothing ever stays the same. For the lucky ones, they get their lives back on track almost immediately but for others, recovery takes forever.
And while recovery is always a nice thing, it is also a price to pay—because it changes us to the person we never thought we would be, or someone we don’t even want to be.
Whichever way it goes, it always turns us into someone we don’t recognize. The last thing we can do is wish that it’ll turn out good.
At the end of the day, we could only wish it makes us better.
The length of your recovery is determined by the extent of your injuries. And it’s not always successful. No matter how hard we work at it. Some wounds might never fully heal. You might have to adjust to a whole new way of living. Things may have changed too radically to ever go back to what they were. You might not even recognize yourself. It’s like you haven’t recovered anything at all. You’re a whole new person with a whole new life.