And at least for once, the stars decided to align

Sara Bareilles - Breathe Again

In a day, we all probably have those various moments when we are forced to look back and be reminded of why we are in the situation we are in—moments when we feel it all again, whatever it is and just feel the scars burning in our skin and do all kinds of things like bring you back to that exact moment.

Sometimes, we think that our past doesn’t define us. But most of the time, we just fail to see that the past and present, while they stand alone, are never really different things. Unconsciously, we make decisions that are products of our previous highs and lows; we may not do it consciously but most days, our past does define us and I realize that it’s actually okay, unless we let it go too far.

I got a new job about a month ago—my third job in 2 years (and I’m just 22).

And you know what?

The moment I stepped inside that office, it immediately felt right; like something inside me just clicked and made me feel like it’s going to be okay.

After falling down from cloud nine last year, I finally felt like I was staring to climb again and have dreams again. Like, finally, I can ask questions and go as far as I can to get my answers.

There was a point where I almost just halted my steps completely. I almost gave up on bouncing back because I didn’t think I was strong enough to do that. And I was right, I wasn’t strong enough to bounce back but I was human enough to push through the pain of the process.

My past brought me to that office without anything else but hope that this could be it, that this could be the place where I could start building up my blown-up empire state of dreams again.

It isn’t really much. It’s not even the job I envisioned myself to have a couple of years back but it’s a place to start.

And at least for once, the stars decided to align—even just for a single moment, I was given the chance to redeem everything I thought I lost: an identity, a dream, a feeling, a vision.

It feels like jumping off from the pool side into the deepest part of the water, you feel yourself submerge, your breath hitches as your feet scramble around in effort to bring you back on top; on one split second, you think of drowning but you don’t, because you know that if you only push a little harder, you’ll emerge victoriously.

I remember my first day sitting in that conference room with a bunch of strangers without any idea of what kind of rabbit hole I put myself in again. But then, something about new faces and new places excites me.

It feels similar to that feeling you get when you open your eyes for the first time in the morning—you aren’t sure if you’re still dreaming or not but you open your eyes anyway because you know you have a whole new day ahead of you; and be it a dream or not, you know you can get up and try to live it the way you want to.

The days progress and I see nothing but potential; not just with the job and the people and the city but with my own recovery. I know, I’ll get there soon because after such a long time, I felt like I’m right where I belong.

In a day, we all probably have those various moments when we are forced to look back and be reminded of why we are in the situation we are in—moments when we feel it all again, whatever it is and just feel the scars burning in our skin and do all kinds of things like bring you back to that exact moment.

And just for once, they don’t hurt us anymore.

Advertisements

Thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s