outgrowing people, and why it’s important to quit early

a wise man (or was it a woman?) once said: respect yourself enough to walk away from things that no longer make you happy.

i heard it when i was so young; and at the time when the word ‘happiness’ meant so little to me. but then i guess, growing up has a way of sneaking up to us in a way that’ll completely take us by surprise.

because one day, the biggest problem you’re facing is how you’ll dressed up for your first real date and the next day, you’re inside a public transport, trying so hard to keep it together–because you can’t even look at yourself and not think how this world has robbed you of the chance to ever truly be happy.

and it’s as if life’s not hard enough, there’s going to be this one person who’ll keep holding you back. there’s going to be this one person who’ll keep dragging you back to square one–to that one moment in your life you’re trying so hard to move on from. or that one person who keeps ripping your wounds open when you’ve worked so hard on the healing process.

(and what do we have here, just as as you were reading those words, someone came to mind… blink twice if i’m right)

i don’t believe in coincidences. cliche as it seems, i truly believe that there’s a certain reason why such things happen. good or bad, they serve a purpose. i like to believe it’s the same with people; that we meet people because of reasons we might not be able to recognize right away.

there are people that make you happy. there are those who’ll make you sad. some people are there to brighten your day and then there are some who will always find a way to darken it.

over the years, i’ve learned so much about walking out, about walking away–about letting people go just because they no longer allowed me to grow.

none of it was easy. past lovers, ex-friends, acquaintances that i didn’t want to know–it all varies but they all had one thing in common. they all hindered me from being comfortable with the life i have so carefully chosen for myself.

some of them dragged me down, pulled me to the ground and beat me up for the decisions i’ve made. some of them looked at me like i was someone who needed to be saved, someone not strong enough to make it to the next day. and the worst ones are those who paralyzed my whole body until i can no longer move; until i can no longer decide for myself. they made me believe that i am just half of a whole and that there isn’t a life without them in it.

it’s tough to see the signs when they start to happen. after all, we all have blind spots for the people we love. but then, it changes. the demands, the expectations, the need to please them and adjust to their rules–it all becomes one exhausting task.

and as in love and life, relationships–no matter what kind–shouldn’t feel like an obligation.

when love starts to feel like a daunting task more than it feels like an actual emotion–that’s the first sign that you should step back and ask yourself: is it worth it?

then, the whole thing starts to break at its cracks. arguments become more frequent. the crying becomes a nightly thing. in the morning, you wake up with a heavy feeling. and finally, instead of getting really excited to spend time with them, you find yourself making excuses.

that’s the thing with toxic people. they kill you slowly from the inside. they cripple you until you can no longer breathe. it’s called toxic for a reason.

none of us ever really realizes it until it’s too late. sometimes, before we know how big the damage is, it’s already way too impossible to fix. is it your fault for letting it get this far? not really. after all, love makes us do things we don’t understand; and quite frankly, it also makes us unsee things.

but a moment of clarity comes to you one day and you ponder seriously on walking away, on letting it go because you believe in your heart that this is the only way.

when that moment comes. do it. leave. close the door and shut it tight.

you might be rolling your eyes right now because you might think i’m saying it like it’s so easy.

no, it’s not. it never is.

but the thing is. the first time you feel this need of leaving, you will not listen it to it. but it will happen again. and again. and again until it’s the only thing you know. but you will be scared.

you will be scared because this thing, this person, these people–they’re part of the life you know. and nothing’s easy with removing a patch of your life because then, it isn’t your life anymore.

but let me tell you something.

it’s okay to outgrow people.

remember that thing i said earlier about purpose? about certain reasons why things happen? we may not always know why some things happen or why some people come to our lives but they all have one thing in common: they all guarantee change.

in one little way or another, these events shape the person we eventually become.

and if you don’t like who you’re becoming because of all these people, don’t you think it’s about time to hold the damn steering wheel and start being control of your life instead?

you shouldn’t allow anybody to tell you what not to do or who to be. if you’re about to make a mistake, then it might as well be a mistake you made yourself. if you’re going to eat that ice cream or go to that party, then it as well be a decision you made yourself, for yourself.

don’t let them consume you.

you are yourself first before you are anybody’s friend or lover.

today, when you face the mirror, as yourself: do i like who am i becoming? you’ll be surprised at how therapeutic it is to talk to yourself in the mirror but other than that, listen to what your heart will tell you.

it’s never gonna lie to you.

it’s scary, yes. but shouldn’t it scare you more that you’re here, reading this blog, looking for words from a blogger you barely know to encourage you to leave when you could be working on the courage to do so?

shouldn’t it scare you more that you’re here, spending another day unhappy?

it’s okay.

cut all communications. pack your backs. loose the tie. stop drowning.

it’s your goddamn right to be happy and no one, no one, has the right to stop that from happening. no one has the right to judge you.

you’re awful, maybe at first. but you’re also brave for cutting the goddamn cord.

if you want to be happy, set yourself free. MOVE. you’re not a tree.




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